Sunday, October 31, 2010

Amish Abe Helps Citizens of D.C. At Rally to Restore Sanity

It was a long two mile hike to the Rally, during which we fortified ourselves with wine. We tried to have breakfast at McDonalds but it was cordoned off with crime scene tape and the police wouldn't let us in so we were resigned to empty hungover bellies once we saw the lines at every eatery we passed. The city was saturated with moderate Americans who needed bagels.

Amish Abe became incensed when he saw two women with a sign claiming they had come from furthest away. I believe he shouted "You suck balls!" at their retreating backs. So, I could see where this day was going.

Amish Abe is shown here at a convenience store (where everything including the chips were locked up) pandering to his constituents. The costume got the first smiles from our neighbors all week.

The amount of people that were here really started to sink in once we got a few blocks from the Capitol building. The entire National Mall was filled and the crowd was spilling out onto the Streets. Imagine Bloomsday, then multiply by four. (Or two, if you're a Glenn Beck fan.)

Unfortunately, Steph and I didn't realize how fucked up Amish Abe was until it was too late. He was in full Ross form and there was no stopping him now.

Amish Abe morphs into Ebenezer Scrooge (10 am)

It took a lot of shoving, wandering, and traffic direction from Amish Abe but we managed to eke out a 12 x 12 inch square of grass next to a garbage can, where Stephanie and I laid around and had our heads stepped on repeatedly. We didn't care. We just rode the wave of humanity and let Abe do the talking. We observed many different life forms, such as these Chilean Miners here to support the Rally.
I think this sign may be the most poignant sentiment of the Rally to Restore Sanity. It's pretty to-the-point right on, don't ya think?

Of course, this "Where's Waldo" costume in a crowd of 150,000 plus is genius. We counted at least 12 Waldos. (Waldoes?) Anyway, more Waldo than Abe up in here.

"Someone said there would be beer?"

If you know me, you know how I feel about Joaquin Phoenix. I would definitely support his presidential candidacy, if for no other reason than he would probably retire from it about 5 months in and let the country run itself while he recorded a hip-hop record. Sounds sane to me.

We didn't have to seek out too many photo opportunities as the people came to us. President Barack Obama even requested a photo with Amish Abe.

Of course, no rally is complete without the Legalize Pot contingent. Here, Amish Abe lends his support with a well deserved toke.

I didn't put two and two together but directly after this picture, Amish Abe really settled down. He stood quietly behind us and observed the rally for a good 45 minutes as the "black sheep" among this crowd of decidedly unfriendly family of lambs.

All of the sudden, Abe announces "Don't let me smoke anymore of that shit today!!" and charges off into the crowd to attack a giant Panda. And we're off...

Abe dry-humps the official Legalize Pot sign of the Rally to Restore Sanity

Once we became aware of it, it seemed like the Legal Marijuana issue was being advocated everywhere. Here we see "Seniors for Legal Pot" in front of the D.C. law enforcement. They were pretty popular.

We saw so many creative signs and costumes that I can't fit them all into one blog. The weather was gorgeous and everyone was in a good mood. What normally would have got Amish Abe's ankle broken was kindly tolerated and laughed at, evoking good feelings for all.

The biggest laugh of the day from the crowd was when Amish Abe told Darth Vader, " I AM YOUR FOREFATHER."

Darth and Vader seriously bust a gut here

Amazingly, we only saw one other Abe.

Gay-braham Lincoln offers Amish Abe a large black dildo.

We walked to and from the Rally to Restore Sanity plus all the walking downtown for a total of like, 6 miles. All sorts of mayhem ensued but I am running out of time as we are late for church. Yes, Cadets, we are attending mass today. Happy Samhain, Catholics.

Amish Abe ends the day with a bottle. Note the cashier and liquor behind glass. Classic D.C.

Helpin' a brother out. Amish Abe gives beer to the homeless.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Elk Committee Makes a Mockery of Democracy Part 1

Oh, dear GAWD.

So, things went well last night. We all managed to get wet-brained, walk to a hookah bar, and get into a cab with a couple of Army fellows who took us to a part of the city we had no idea where and then promptly abandoned us when they realized what they had gotten themselves into.

Just so you know, I'm the glue that's holding this shit show things are bad.

Just so you further know, the hookah is filled with a peach flavored wafer of God knows what but we know for a fact it wasn't weed. So, that wasn't the problem.

Actually Ross was the problem. No check that, Stephanie was.

Here's what I learned last night. No one here cares about us. We were loud, we were friendly, and nobody cared. Except these guys.

Zeb Impersonators

Here's another classic shot of the night. We were the only white people in this place but as you can see, they made us feel welcome.

We walked probably five miles, got lost, and took a cab home. We were three blocks away. I had the cabbie stop so I could get groceries- toilet paper and water. Pizza. Put these jokers to bed and stayed up all night watching TV and drinking wine.

I have nothing left. But I am dressed and herding everyone to the rally. Amish Abe looks spectacular with a hangover. More picture to follow, Cadets...more picture to follow.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Psssst...I See Dead People...(and I Honor Them)

Arlington National Cemetery

Today The Elk Committee for Sanity paid tribute to those who served our country, either in life or death. It was a beautiful sunny day for such a somber experience. Even though Ross and I made a pact to be as quiet and respectful as we could, we still managed to make a couple of mistakes.

First we went to the tomb of the Unknown Soldier and watched the Changing of the Guard. For those of you who don't know, the Guard is comprised of active duty soldiers who are exactly 6 ft. tall and have well proportioned physical characteristics. One guard keeps watch over the tomb and is relieved every hour. They exchange ceremonial weapons in a tightly choreographed ceremony that is presided over by their leader. It was amazing to see these young men perform so many little movements and steps in tandem without a single mistake.

Afterwards, we saw all of the gifts and plaques that other countries presented to America in honor of our fallen unknown. Ross, of course, pointed this one out to me.

This flag and war bonnet presented to Eisenhower by Chief Plenty Coups was very cool. It made me think about the sacrifice that many American Indians made in all of America's wars, even though at that time they were being treated like shit.

We didn't notice that Ross was still wearing his hat and we were totally embarrassed when an employee brought it to our attention. So, we got out of there and continued on in search of JFK's eternal flame monument. On the way Ross couldn't resist sitting in this giant chair, sans hat.

We stopped at the Arlington House, which is the former residence of Confederate Army general Robert E.Lee. The reason Arlington cemetery exists today is because the Union Army occupied the premises during the war and began burying their dead on the property. After the war, the estate was returned to Lee but due to the all the dead bodies, he sold it back to the government for $150,000. The house is seen here at the top of hill above Senator Ted Kennedy's grave. Ross's big head in the foreground.

(Representing Team Sweeney in D.C.)

The section where the Kennedy's are laid to rest was the most powerful for me. The walls are inscribed with some of RFK and JFK's most memorable quotes and seeing the eternal flame burning above the headstones of JFK, Jackie Kennedy, and JFK Jr. struck me. Here is a family who gave everything in life and death to this country. I felt weird about taking pictures, so there are no shots of that here. Just the famous, "ask not what your country can do for you..." below.

Today's blog isn't very entertaining but it wasn't an entertaining day. Instead it was energy sucking and exhausting but that's the least I can do to honor these people. Never again will I hear a news story about war casualties or the death of a Supreme Court Justice without remembering the feeling of honor and respect that we felt here today.

We saw many different types of people from rednecks to Muslims and they all were there for the same reason we honor those who died for this country. We didn't make fun of one person while we there. If you know us, you know that's a pretty big deal.

We were even fortunate enough to observe a funeral procession taking place. It was led by a military band and the coffin was being drawn by a team of horses, while draped in the American flag.

Afterwards, Ross and I made fools of ourselves trying to figure out the Metro. We made it back downtown, had lunch at a Fit Bar (a bar that serves "healthy" cocktails, AWESOME!) and got groceries at this rad farmer's market. Don't forget the sheep cheese!

So, we're gonna have a salad, fresh bread, homemade butter, and JACK n CIDER!! Stephanie arrives tonight so the Three Elk Cadets are off to the Smithsonian...mayhem to follow.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Mr. Ross Goes To Washington

The Elk Committee (of two) has arrived in plenty of time to get acclimated to the city before the Rally to Restore Sanity gets under way on Saturday. Every loud mouth comment and rude behavior that Ross and I make is explained away when we announce we are from the "other" Washington, AKA The West Coast. People love us here!

Representing Elk has been super easy since we arrived since we were the only white people in a 4 mile radius from our place. The town-house is a direct result of breeding between The Huxtables from the Cosby Show and Sesame Street. As you can see here, primary colors are a favored choice for these magnificent brick buildings.

Seriously, though the architecture is gorgeous in a very urban way that makes you think of TV shows from the 80's like 227 and The Jeffersons. They make crime look good with all the intricate wrought iron work on the barred windows and fences. Keeping winos and crack addicts out with a sunburst pattern is much more pleasing to the eye.

Today we walked through two distinct areas. The first was the university district of the predominantly African American Howard University. I felt relatively safe here as I saw lots of students on the street. However, as we walked through actual REAL "Projects" of low income housing it was like a scene from a movie as we passed rundown playgrounds and roving groups of gangstas who eyeballed us thoroughly. I didn't know whether to paste a smile on and say hello or keep walking, eyes down, or what! We walked all the way down to the Whitehouse and the US treasury.

We got caught in a down pour so we ducked into the Renwick Art Gallery that was displaying art made in WWII Japanese internment camps. It was amazing!! Made me think what we could all be capable of if we weren't addicted to TV and Facebook. Upstairs there was the coolest Grand Salon with a ceiling at least 40 ft. tall. It was very Sense and Sensibility and I managed to pretend I was Miss Dashwood for about 12 seconds before Ross began panicking about the rain and wanted to cab back. NO!!! WE MUST PUSH ON!!! Rain won't kill us!

We ran down the street and bought an umbrella which immediately brought the rain to a halt. We then made our way across the National Mall to the Washington Monument. Ross especially enjoyed licking the monument as well as going up to the top and seeing all the secret stuff. Ask him about the special gas...

Amish Abe Pays Tribute to Ol' George W.

We were able to walk to the Lincoln Memorial by way of the Reflecting Pool. You know, that bit of water that Forest Gump wades through to get to Jenny after his speech. The pictures and movies do not do it justice. The statue of Lincoln is HUGE! Like a Temple of Zeus or something. You can see here just how big one of the columns is.

The most poignant moment of today was definitely the Vietnam War memorial wall. The mood is very pensive and quiet. One woman was telling an older man in a wheelchair about her son who was wounded in The Iraqi War. Then we saw a group of boys (literally, boys...they looked like 18 yr. old BABIES!) in uniform. One was in a wheelchair as a double amputee and the other was on crutches. I felt so awkward because I didn't want to stare but I didn't want them to think that I was ashamed to look at them either. It was hard to know whether they wanted to be acknowledged and thanked for their service or if they wanted to be left alone. What do you think, folks?

The memorial itself is so shiny and ethereal that you can see your reflection in it as you walk by.

Of course, Ross wasn't able to respect ALL of the areas of the National Mall...

After that we had a good meal, bought supplies, and cabbed back to the apartment. Be sure to ask us about "easy wider wo-ring" papers at the Chinese Market if you want to hear a great story of West Coasters on the East Coast.

I'm off to watch President Obama's appearance on The Daily Show now. Day 2 to follow...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Palin and O'Donnell, BFF's??!

Permission to Speak Pictures, Images and Photos

Today I don't have a recipe. I know, I'm letting down America. In my defense, I have so many other important things to do in my duties as an American Housewife that tonight's dinner will be just regular Spaghetti and Salad with Garlic Bread. If you don't already know how to make this, you're doomed.

My new favorite candidate make-over is Christine O'Donnell of Delaware. She had a very Palin-esque debate last week but after viewing this clip from 1999 where she discusses her first date on a "Satanic altar", I'd say she's come a long way!

Apparently, O'Donnell was coached by the same two men who prepped Palin during the 2008 presidential campaign. Seriously, these guys are still working??

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Palin may be "Jaw Droppingly Incompetent" but I bet She Makes a Mean OJ

This is a longish clip with a LOT of babbling drivel but it's worth it to hear this guy's opinion of Sarah Palin. Sure, he's just a Hollywood know-it-all but he's right! Sarah Palin can be MEAN! Look what she does to wild game and state troopers!!!

In celebration of incompetence everywhere, please enjoy this terrifically complicated recipe for delicious orange juice.

1 Can frozen orange juice concentrate

Squeeze concentrate into pitcher.
Fill can with cold water. Dump in pitcher. Do it 3 times. Total.

This can get REALLY tricky so be careful, take your time, and email me for assistance if needed. Remember, deep breaths... Stay sane, America!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Chicken Soup For Whiners

Funny. Pictures, Images and Photos

I have a cold today but since I am the wife and mother around here, I am cooking my own chicken soup. It's a lot better than that shit in a can.

1 to 2 C Chicken, cooked
4 C Water
4 Chicken flavored bouillon cubes
5 cloves garlic, minced
2 TBSP. Finely chopped fresh ginger or 1 TBSP. ground, dried
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
3 carrots, sliced
1 onion, chopped
1 large sweet potato,peeled, chopped into large chunks
6 C packed, torn spinach
1 large tomato, cut into 1/2" chinks
1/4 to 1 tsp. hot pepper sauce

Place water, bouillon, garlic, ginger, and pepper in pot. Bring to boil on high heat. Stir in carrots, onion, and sweet potato. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 20 min or until veggies are tender.

Add chicken, spinach, and tomato and cook for 5 min. or until spinach is wilted and tomato and chicken are heated through. Add hot pepper sauce to taste.

Now leave me alone! Can't you wash your OWN laundry for one day at least??!!!