Amish Abe Helps Citizens of D.C. At Rally to Restore Sanity

It was a long two mile hike to the Rally, during which we fortified ourselves with wine. We tried to have breakfast at McDonalds but it was cordoned off with crime scene tape and the police wouldn't let us in so we were resigned to empty hungover bellies once we saw the lines at every eatery we passed. The city was saturated with moderate Americans who needed bagels.

Amish Abe became incensed when he saw two women with a sign claiming they had come from furthest away. I believe he shouted "You suck balls!" at their retreating backs. So, I could see where this day was going.

Amish Abe is shown here at a convenience store (where everything including the chips were locked up) pandering to his constituents. The costume got the first smiles from our neighbors all week.

The amount of people that were here really started to sink in once we got a few blocks from the Capitol building. The entire National Mall was filled and the crowd was spilling out onto the Streets. Imagine Bloomsday, then multiply by four. (Or two, if you're a Glenn Beck fan.)

Unfortunately, Steph and I didn't realize how fucked up Amish Abe was until it was too late. He was in full Ross form and there was no stopping him now.

Amish Abe morphs into Ebenezer Scrooge (10 am)

It took a lot of shoving, wandering, and traffic direction from Amish Abe but we managed to eke out a 12 x 12 inch square of grass next to a garbage can, where Stephanie and I laid around and had our heads stepped on repeatedly. We didn't care. We just rode the wave of humanity and let Abe do the talking. We observed many different life forms, such as these Chilean Miners here to support the Rally.

I think this sign may be the most poignant sentiment of the Rally to Restore Sanity. It's pretty to-the-point right on, don't ya think?

Of course, this "Where's Waldo" costume in a crowd of 150,000 plus is genius. We counted at least 12 Waldos. (Waldoes?) Anyway, more Waldo than Abe up in here.

"Someone said there would be beer?"

If you know me, you know how I feel about Joaquin Phoenix. I would definitely support his presidential candidacy, if for no other reason than he would probably retire from it about 5 months in and let the country run itself while he recorded a hip-hop record. Sounds sane to me.

We didn't have to seek out too many photo opportunities as the people came to us. President Barack Obama even requested a photo with Amish Abe.

Of course, no rally is complete without the Legalize Pot contingent. Here, Amish Abe lends his support with a well deserved toke.

I didn't put two and two together but directly after this picture, Amish Abe really settled down. He stood quietly behind us and observed the rally for a good 45 minutes as the "black sheep" among this crowd of decidedly unfriendly family of lambs.

All of the sudden, Abe announces "Don't let me smoke anymore of that shit today!!" and charges off into the crowd to attack a giant Panda. And we're off...

Abe dry-humps the official Legalize Pot sign of the Rally to Restore Sanity

Once we became aware of it, it seemed like the Legal Marijuana issue was being advocated everywhere. Here we see "Seniors for Legal Pot" in front of the D.C. law enforcement. They were pretty popular.

We saw so many creative signs and costumes that I can't fit them all into one blog. The weather was gorgeous and everyone was in a good mood. What normally would have got Amish Abe's ankle broken was kindly tolerated and laughed at, evoking good feelings for all.

The biggest laugh of the day from the crowd was when Amish Abe told Darth Vader, " I AM YOUR FOREFATHER."

Darth and Vader seriously bust a gut here

Amazingly, we only saw one other Abe.

Gay-braham Lincoln offers Amish Abe a large black dildo.

We walked to and from the Rally to Restore Sanity plus all the walking downtown for a total of like, 6 miles. All sorts of mayhem ensued but I am running out of time as we are late for church. Yes, Cadets, we are attending mass today. Happy Samhain, Catholics.

Amish Abe ends the day with a bottle. Note the cashier and liquor behind glass. Classic D.C.

Helpin' a brother out. Amish Abe gives beer to the homeless.